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| 1st prenancy, 5 months prego, only got bigger from there! |
First, let me show I'm unbiased, I take no side point of view. I am over weight. Thanks to gestational diabetes and preeclampsia with my second pregnancy, I gained 70 lbs. Buddyboy is 8 weeks old and I still have 30+ pounds to go. I foresee a long journey to my pre-baby weight. I am not a mother who loses her baby weight fast. With my first pregnancy, again gestational diabetes, I gained 59 lbs. It took me 2.5 years and a ton of hard work to rid myself of that weight... only to become pregnant and gain it back plus some. Oh the sacrifices...
Anyway, I know what it's like to live an over weight life. I get the stares, the uneasiness of someone looking at you, I understand. However, I also understand living life at a healthy weight.
So, let us return to my issue. This whole circle of shame that's apparently happening. First, no one should be shamed. No one. Shaming is cruel. Words that are cruely spoken can stick with a person for years. Second, people need to step back and take a look at reality. If you happen to be a judger of others, why don't you pause, and consider the option that you don't have all the facts. I've read so many postings, articles, etc about how celebrity moms don't lose the baby weight fast enough. I'm sorry but every person is different and each person's chemistry reacts differently to pregnancy as well as recovery. Many writers of these horrid posts have no idea if that celebrity had an easy "normal" pregnancy and recovery, or if she had a difficult- high risk pregnancy and/or recovery. They have no idea what has medically been happening with this new mother and should really be ashamed of their behavior towards her.
Now on the non-pregnant side, if a person is over weight there are a MULTITUDE of possible causes. They may have just had a baby, they may have a serious health issue, they may need medication which packs on pounds rather than allow them to stay at a healthy weight, they may have just lost a loved one, house, or job which has caused a great deal of stress (and doesn't help with weight), they may be recovering from an injury and aren't able to work out yet, or yes, they could just eat very poorly, not work out, and not take proper care of themselves. There are a lot of possibilities, so fat-judgers, take a step back and keep your opinions to yourself.
Also, if you happen to be on the receiving end of this and are an overweight individual, you too need to chill out. Not everyone is against you. Not every comment is directed towards you. I read one article about a woman who happened to overhear a private conversation between a mother and daughter. They were discussing a plus size shirt and how the daughter and a friend could fit inside the shirt together. Yes, it seems a ridiculous conversation. Yes obviously said daughter is ridiculously skinny as must be her friend. No, this comment was not meant for you plus sized woman. No they were not trying to make you feel horrible. I don't know how old this daughter was, but I'm imagining a teen. Children, of all ages, make rude and hurtful comments (all the time) while being totally oblivious of their surroundings and what they are saying. Who cares what a 16 year old(ish) girl thinks? (don't forget she as also a stranger) If you get upset enough to need to leave the store, you personally have issues with yourself. You don't like you. If you don't like the fact that two small people can fit inside a piece of clothing which fits you fine, then fix the problem, lose the extra weight. There is no need to publicly share this story and put this mother and daughter down in order to feel better.
(Note: I never read the woman's original post, I only read a piece which praised her for her bravery and for 'putting fat shaming mother and daughter in their place.')
Finally, Skinny people are not the only judgers. I have heard over weight people exclaim "how small these shirts are!" or "this must be for a child. No adult could fit that!" False. The articles of clothing subjected to these statements are in the adult section and yes, there are adults that fit in them just fine. What I'm trying to point out here is that if you are going to judge anyone, for anything, you have to accept others judging you. Fat people judge skinny people; skinny judge fat. For years and years black and white people have judged each other. The same has gone for lower and upper classes. Tall people make rude comments to short people (often without realizing it) and short people do the same to tall people. (My 6'4" husband never played basketball so if you see him don't ask, he'll be grateful you didn't). Apparently it is just the new(ish) thing to publicly shame someone based on his/her shirt size.
We as the human race should really be saddened, or scared, because as a race we haven't learned from past mistakes. People are people. We are all human and no one is perfect. Most of the time you don't have all the facts to why a person looks a certain way. What if we could all stop staring and judging, and instead find the courage to walk up and talk to that different person, one human being to another? Now wouldn't that be nice.
Now on the non-pregnant side, if a person is over weight there are a MULTITUDE of possible causes. They may have just had a baby, they may have a serious health issue, they may need medication which packs on pounds rather than allow them to stay at a healthy weight, they may have just lost a loved one, house, or job which has caused a great deal of stress (and doesn't help with weight), they may be recovering from an injury and aren't able to work out yet, or yes, they could just eat very poorly, not work out, and not take proper care of themselves. There are a lot of possibilities, so fat-judgers, take a step back and keep your opinions to yourself.
Also, if you happen to be on the receiving end of this and are an overweight individual, you too need to chill out. Not everyone is against you. Not every comment is directed towards you. I read one article about a woman who happened to overhear a private conversation between a mother and daughter. They were discussing a plus size shirt and how the daughter and a friend could fit inside the shirt together. Yes, it seems a ridiculous conversation. Yes obviously said daughter is ridiculously skinny as must be her friend. No, this comment was not meant for you plus sized woman. No they were not trying to make you feel horrible. I don't know how old this daughter was, but I'm imagining a teen. Children, of all ages, make rude and hurtful comments (all the time) while being totally oblivious of their surroundings and what they are saying. Who cares what a 16 year old(ish) girl thinks? (don't forget she as also a stranger) If you get upset enough to need to leave the store, you personally have issues with yourself. You don't like you. If you don't like the fact that two small people can fit inside a piece of clothing which fits you fine, then fix the problem, lose the extra weight. There is no need to publicly share this story and put this mother and daughter down in order to feel better.
(Note: I never read the woman's original post, I only read a piece which praised her for her bravery and for 'putting fat shaming mother and daughter in their place.')
Finally, Skinny people are not the only judgers. I have heard over weight people exclaim "how small these shirts are!" or "this must be for a child. No adult could fit that!" False. The articles of clothing subjected to these statements are in the adult section and yes, there are adults that fit in them just fine. What I'm trying to point out here is that if you are going to judge anyone, for anything, you have to accept others judging you. Fat people judge skinny people; skinny judge fat. For years and years black and white people have judged each other. The same has gone for lower and upper classes. Tall people make rude comments to short people (often without realizing it) and short people do the same to tall people. (My 6'4" husband never played basketball so if you see him don't ask, he'll be grateful you didn't). Apparently it is just the new(ish) thing to publicly shame someone based on his/her shirt size.
We as the human race should really be saddened, or scared, because as a race we haven't learned from past mistakes. People are people. We are all human and no one is perfect. Most of the time you don't have all the facts to why a person looks a certain way. What if we could all stop staring and judging, and instead find the courage to walk up and talk to that different person, one human being to another? Now wouldn't that be nice.
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