Life- Love's Greatest Gift

This post isn't about religion or politics. It's not about abortion, illness, or other. 

This post is about parenting and letting your children survive.

No matter how messed up your parents may be, or how much they screwed you up, you have to know they loved you. No matter what, even if it's the only human part left of them, they loved you. How do I know this? How can I say this when I don't know you, I don't know your story? You lived. That's how I know, because you lived.

I never knew that surviving infancy and childhood was a gift from you parents (or caregiver). I had no idea this was fact until I became a parent. Seriously, why is this a secret?! Why is this not mentioned in any of the parenting books or classes? When you're expecting your "little bundle of joy," the books, classes, and experienced parents all give hint to the sleepless nights and exhaustion which is to ensue, but no one ever mentions that every parent has his/her day(ssssssss) of sainthood. Yeah. It's true.

Today was one of my own sanctity days. Nothing major happened. Nothing horrible. Yes I was woken multiple times throughout the night, but that's not too uncommon in our home at the moment. Today was a pretty typical day to be honest. Babycake was the average three year old, and we still think Buddyboy is teething. But for some reason, every refusal to nap by said three year old, and every screech for a diaper change, feeding, or cuddle, made me want to pull my hair out. I didn't want to read, play, and craft today. I didn't want to rock my baby to sleep. I didn't want to go out in the cold and windy weather. No. I wanted to be left the hell alone! "Please don't wipe your nose on me. Don't hug me with those jelly hands. Did you wash after pooping? Why is he still screaming?  I have spit up running down my arm, hu, didn't even feel it that's so common."

Before being a parent I was baffled by the existence of Shaken Baby Syndrome. However, I came to understand how accidental it could actually be when Babycake was an infant- possibly the teething stage. She went through a time where she couldn't sleep without being in my arms due to gum discomfort. I remember one day being so exhausted and frustrated with her constant crying that I laid her in her crib and shook my fists, yelling. It lasted all of 10 seconds before I stared at my fists, no more than two feet away from her, in disbelief. I was shocked. Yes, I was exhausted to the point I couldn't hold a real conversation with an adult and yes I was frustrated, but had I not been clear headed enough to lay my baby down before shaking my fists in desperate anger, I could have easily kept her in my hands while I shook. (gulp)

Today, I left my crying baby boy in his crib so I could stomp around the house yelling. This was great in that I got relief and didn't yell at Buddyboy or do him any harm. This was not so great in that I had to repeatedly assure Babycake I was not mad at her, she was fine, Mommy is just really cranky today and still loves you to the moon and back.

Earlier this week my husband took a few days off work and then told me he was really looking forward to going back to work because he needed to get away. He needed a break from the kids. (yeah, me too!) As obnoxious as this was to hear, since I NEVER get a break (nope, honestly, don't get a day off from being Mommy until Buddyboy is one and done with nursing- then off to Grandma's the two kiddos will go!), this statement was at least a confirmation for me in my own personal thoughts that I have the hardest job. Day in, day out, 24/7, 365 days a year, I am on call. Naps don't line up today? No personal time for me. I don't get a 15, 30, 60 min break in my work day. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner are more often than not cold b/c someone needs my attention before I can take a bite. That weird noise in the middle of the night? Yeah, heard it and now trying to pass out so I can get 20 more mins before a middle of the night feeding or a nightmare demands my attention.

I love my children. I will do anything for them, but sometimes I fall short and the only gift I can give them is life. Today was that day. We all survived. Tomorrow has got to be better. Thank you Mom and Dad for letting me live past these stages.

Choking Hazards

When it was just Babycake and me going to play dates, I sometimes found myself questioning other parents' safety awareness or carelessness. Often times if there was an older sibling in the house, there would be an abundance of toys that were potential choking hazards. I honestly tried to keep an open mind in most cases since I like to look back on my own childhood for parenting reference and I can remember so many toys that were choking hazards or had sharp edges that were "the" toys every kid wanted. Sometimes though, the parents whose awareness I was trying not to question, just really didn't seem to care about keeping the safe toys out and the older children's toys out of reach of the younger children. Those were the houses that I would get frustrated at. Play dates are supposed to be fun for both the parents and kids, but when a parent has to continually follow his/her kid around making sure they don't touch this or that thing left out which is too dangerous or too fragile, the kid gets frustrated they don't get to play with what they want to play with, and the parent doesn't get to have a nice time talking with the other mom or dad.

As I've mentioned in posts before, I was a nanny for two children the same age gap and gender of my two coincidentally. The mother of these children was very aware of choking hazards and kept the entire house free of them. It was really impressive, but I'm just not that determined to rid the house of every toy w small parts. Babycake is now 3 so many of her toys come w multiple pieces that if broken would be cause for choking concern. Most of these toys she received from friends and family as gifts. I don't want to rid the house of gifts from loved ones.

My dilemma: our house has a 3 yr old and a 4 month old. Buddyboy is now grasping, holding, and chewing on anything and everything in his reach. Before Bubbyboy was born, my husband and I discussed the importance of choking hazards around babies w Babycake so that once he arrived we wouldn't be implementing new rules b/c of the new baby which could then lead to resentment of the new baby. I slowly started moving certain toys from the living room or other public rooms, to Babycake's bedroom. This way she became accustomed to certain toys in certain areas, and if she tried to bring those toys out into the living room, I would explain that toys which are choking hazards need to stay away from where the baby would be and she could still play with those toys in her room where it was safe.

This explanation suites Babycake fine most of the time, but she's three. So, you know, there have been some tantrums thrown b/c of this rule. Babycake loves her baby brother. She is an amazing helper and second mommy. If he's upset she's the one that gets him to start laughing. It's really a beautiful relationship they have. So when she throws these fits or doesn't think about the danger of leaving a ribbon right next to her brother's head, I know it's not b/c she doesn't care about his safety or well being. It's b/c she's three and her mind jumps from one thing to the next at lightening speed often times without thinking of her surrounding environment or cause and effects.

toilet paper roll wrapped in
pink duct tape, taped to the
wall next to her door for
quick checks before
leaving the room

So to help Babycake get a better grasp on the size of toys that are allowed in public spaces, I helped her make and hang her very own "choking hazard tester." This has been very helpful for all of us! Babycake often tests her toys. If she wants to bring out a toy from her room which I deem too dangerous for public spaces, all I need to ask now is "would you mind checking that with the chocking hazard tester? I'm not sure that is safe to be out of your room." SHE then has the power to check the potential danger and inform me if I was right or wrong. This of course works wonders for my strong minded - independent little girl. There have been fewer and fewer tantrums over toy dangers. Instead, she gets to take charge and be the safety keeper of the house.

checking wood block
choking safety

Babycake's become so accustomed to testing her toys she really doesn't need it for much anymore. If we are out somewhere, she'll point out small objects, or toys for children her age, and explain to me that "Buddyboy can't play with that b/c it's a choking hazard." (I'm so proud!!)

All in all, this has been a great little invention for us. Everyone is happy with it's results and the home is a bit safer.